tayanika (tayanika) wrote,

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Because watching fashion shows induces sudden judgmental opinions

I’ve never felt more like a failure before than how I feel today. Suddenly being told that I should just go work overseas than look for a job locally because I have such a bad record of changing companies every so often due to reasons in that viciously judging tone by your younger sister is beyond humiliating. Since I’m the eldest, I should be the role model for my younger sisters. I should be that person who’s already on my 4 year on the job and happily stable with my semi-good salary and enjoying the benefits of being one of the senior members of the company. I should be that person who’s almost ready to take on the responsibility of paying for my youngest sister’s tuition fee or at least her daily school allowances. I should be that person my parents can already rely on for new furniture in the house or maybe an appliance or two. I should be that person who can shell out instantly if ever a sister or parents suddenly needs the money. I should be so many things but none of them are present in the current me.

It’s a bit uncalled for since I was only minding my own business watching Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2015 along with my baby sister and then my second sister just got inside the house announcing what she thinks I should do with my life. As mentioned, in that heavily judging tone that makes you cringe because you know that you said something out of turn to deserve it only that I wasn’t. And it strikes me that my sister could’ve been waiting to tell me that for a long a while now and just pick a hell of a time to say it out loud.

Because of this, I’m curious of what my sister thinks of me. Does she think of me as a failure of a sister for not being able to stay in a company for more than 2 years? Or does she think that I’m a good for nothing bitch who does nothing but complain about my company’s shortcomings? Or maybe she thinks of me as a loser for not being able to withstand the trials given my way because I’m too clumsy in choosing the path to take in life?
I will never have the courage to ask her about what she thinks of me. And to be honest I’m not even sure I want to know.
Tags: random
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