tayanika (tayanika) wrote,

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When my fingers suddenly have a mind of their own

Today, I ditched work. I haven’t confessed to my parents yet but I have no intention of going back to that office again even if it’s the last thing on earth I can do. My parents are still the kind of old fashioned people who firmly believes that being in an office is the only stable and profit inducing job a person can do. And it’ll probably hurt them more if they find out the fact that I’ll lie to them in the next few days , as I plan on going to interviews and walking in at recruitment offices trying to find the next job.

To me, finding a job is like finding the next fanfic I can get addicted to. It could be an addiction for life or it could be an addiction for just a few months, luckily years. Admittedly, I’m still the immature kind of person who thinks that I can live off switching jobs and doing something new every few months or so just coz’ my attention span is as long as that of a goldfish. And maybe, I am immature for being so as by society’s (not to mention my parents’) standards but hell, if I can be myself in the process then so be it. Everybody has their fair share of immaturity right? And just maybe this immaturity can lead me to the right path to take in life. Sounds cliché but to be honest, life is one big walking cliché because nothing is unique anymore. Everybody is living the same life, leaving it by same way of death, struggling to survive it and in the process, what may seem unique has actually been done by a person hundreds or thousands of years ago. For all we know, life as we know it has already been lived in by the people in the past. Yeah, screw me Science. I know nothing.

In any case, I’m not trying to sound cool or act like it by typing that first part of my so called brain fart. I’m just typing in the ideas which come to mind while my fingers move and press the keys on my board. No pun intended. For something as panicking as the idea of unemployment, I can’t seem to find the famous panic or stress in any part of my body. On the contrary, I feel so relieved of my worries and other emotional baggage the moment I decided to just not turn up for work earlier this morning.

I may regret this decision in the long run. I may even totally forget about the whole thing in the years to come. But one thing’s for sure, there’s no turning back. Hell, what am I saying? I’m just a sleepy person trying to call forth her dead love for writing again just coz’ she wants to be able to work a part time job and earn extra cash while still maintaining a full time job. So much for my post this morning about condoning to the destructive system humans had built. Yeah, I’m a two faced bitch sometimes.

I want to be able to do something different. Something to make me feel alive. In the past few months, I’ve been thinking that I’m not actually living life the way it should be lived. Something’s missing. Something’s wrong. And maybe there is. Or maybe I’m just overthinking. I pity the poor soul who will stumble upon this post after I randomly post it later when I feel like the urge to type leave my fingers. You poor soul who wasted probably around 5-10mins of your life reading a random rant from a random person who randomly clicked on the MS Word app on her laptop and began typing whatever it is that she thinks and, occasionally, says aloud. You know those people whose habit is to actually say what they are typing out loud without realizing they’re doing it? That’s me sometimes.

And damn you MS Word, you’re always slapping my lack of grammar sense to my face with your wriggly line correctives and prompts. Luckily that freaking paperclip guy vanished in your earlier versions. He was never any help to me anyway.

So there, I can feel the urge lie low now. You can say your thanks that this post is over. Not gonna say sorry for wasting your time coz’ really, who told you to read this good for nothing rant post ‘til the very end if you don’t actually want to read it?
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