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Dec. 12th, 2015

Because watching fashion shows induces sudden judgmental opinions

I’ve never felt more like a failure before than how I feel today. Suddenly being told that I should just go work overseas than look for a job locally because I have such a bad record of changing companies every so often due to reasons in that viciously judging tone by your younger sister is beyond humiliating. Since I’m the eldest, I should be the role model for my younger sisters. I should be that person who’s already on my 4 year on the job and happily stable with my semi-good salary and enjoying the benefits of being one of the senior members of the company. I should be that person who’s almost ready to take on the responsibility of paying for my youngest sister’s tuition fee or at least her daily school allowances. I should be that person my parents can already rely on for new furniture in the house or maybe an appliance or two. I should be that person who can shell out instantly if ever a sister or parents suddenly needs the money. I should be so many things but none of them are present in the current me.

It’s a bit uncalled for since I was only minding my own business watching Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2015 along with my baby sister and then my second sister just got inside the house announcing what she thinks I should do with my life. As mentioned, in that heavily judging tone that makes you cringe because you know that you said something out of turn to deserve it only that I wasn’t. And it strikes me that my sister could’ve been waiting to tell me that for a long a while now and just pick a hell of a time to say it out loud.

Because of this, I’m curious of what my sister thinks of me. Does she think of me as a failure of a sister for not being able to stay in a company for more than 2 years? Or does she think that I’m a good for nothing bitch who does nothing but complain about my company’s shortcomings? Or maybe she thinks of me as a loser for not being able to withstand the trials given my way because I’m too clumsy in choosing the path to take in life?
I will never have the courage to ask her about what she thinks of me. And to be honest I’m not even sure I want to know.

Dec. 7th, 2015

When my fingers suddenly have a mind of their own

Today, I ditched work. I haven’t confessed to my parents yet but I have no intention of going back to that office again even if it’s the last thing on earth I can do. My parents are still the kind of old fashioned people who firmly believes that being in an office is the only stable and profit inducing job a person can do. And it’ll probably hurt them more if they find out the fact that I’ll lie to them in the next few days , as I plan on going to interviews and walking in at recruitment offices trying to find the next job.

To me, finding a job is like finding the next fanfic I can get addicted to. It could be an addiction for life or it could be an addiction for just a few months, luckily years. Admittedly, I’m still the immature kind of person who thinks that I can live off switching jobs and doing something new every few months or so just coz’ my attention span is as long as that of a goldfish. And maybe, I am immature for being so as by society’s (not to mention my parents’) standards but hell, if I can be myself in the process then so be it. Everybody has their fair share of immaturity right? And just maybe this immaturity can lead me to the right path to take in life. Sounds cliché but to be honest, life is one big walking cliché because nothing is unique anymore. Everybody is living the same life, leaving it by same way of death, struggling to survive it and in the process, what may seem unique has actually been done by a person hundreds or thousands of years ago. For all we know, life as we know it has already been lived in by the people in the past. Yeah, screw me Science. I know nothing.

In any case, I’m not trying to sound cool or act like it by typing that first part of my so called brain fart. I’m just typing in the ideas which come to mind while my fingers move and press the keys on my board. No pun intended. For something as panicking as the idea of unemployment, I can’t seem to find the famous panic or stress in any part of my body. On the contrary, I feel so relieved of my worries and other emotional baggage the moment I decided to just not turn up for work earlier this morning.

I may regret this decision in the long run. I may even totally forget about the whole thing in the years to come. But one thing’s for sure, there’s no turning back. Hell, what am I saying? I’m just a sleepy person trying to call forth her dead love for writing again just coz’ she wants to be able to work a part time job and earn extra cash while still maintaining a full time job. So much for my post this morning about condoning to the destructive system humans had built. Yeah, I’m a two faced bitch sometimes.

I want to be able to do something different. Something to make me feel alive. In the past few months, I’ve been thinking that I’m not actually living life the way it should be lived. Something’s missing. Something’s wrong. And maybe there is. Or maybe I’m just overthinking. I pity the poor soul who will stumble upon this post after I randomly post it later when I feel like the urge to type leave my fingers. You poor soul who wasted probably around 5-10mins of your life reading a random rant from a random person who randomly clicked on the MS Word app on her laptop and began typing whatever it is that she thinks and, occasionally, says aloud. You know those people whose habit is to actually say what they are typing out loud without realizing they’re doing it? That’s me sometimes.

And damn you MS Word, you’re always slapping my lack of grammar sense to my face with your wriggly line correctives and prompts. Luckily that freaking paperclip guy vanished in your earlier versions. He was never any help to me anyway.

So there, I can feel the urge lie low now. You can say your thanks that this post is over. Not gonna say sorry for wasting your time coz’ really, who told you to read this good for nothing rant post ‘til the very end if you don’t actually want to read it?

Nov. 30th, 2013


This is my most memorable gift yet. Simple, yet hard to forget. Thanks so much Vicah! :D

[Drabblefest - Chanyeol's 22nd Birthday]
For @baekbyuntae - Pairing: Kai/Chanyeol; Prompt: band!au in which Kai is attracted to clumsy drummer Chanyeol, but Chanyeol isn't aware of that fact
w: slight swearing
a/n: Ate, apparently it's your birthday~ haha so I guess this drabble is my gift to you na lang :D happy birthday! ^^

Hehehe... :)Collapse )

Sep. 1st, 2010

(no subject)

Only a month to spare. May God deem I finish this before everything's too late.

May. 22nd, 2010


 I wanna greet my friend Mayuuu a very happy birthday! XDD

Go get some rest bb and we'll celebrate on May 25th. :D  I love you! <(^-^)>

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